When we think of children taking care of their parents,
perhaps no scene in cinema is more iconic than Charlie Bucket’s bedroom in Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory –
Grandpa Joe, Grandma Josephine, Grandpa George, and Grandma Georgina all tucked
into a single bed. I can distinctly remember watching that scene with my own
parents and grandparents, and they would almost always say: “That’s not how it
is nowadays. Kids no longer care for their parents like they used to…they just
ship them off to a nursing home.”
It looks as if that trend is actually
beginning to shift. According to a report from Pew Research Center, “in 2005,
19% of all Americans provided some support to aging parents; in 2012, 21% did
so.” If you search the web, you’re likely to find a number of studies
chronicling this exact phenomenon: multigenerational households are becoming
more and more common as a cost-saving mechanism.
We have spent much time in Contemporary Political Issues talking
about the responsibilities of various family members to relatives and
offspring: mothers to children, wives to husband, parents to students. I wanted
to share with you all another type of role that hasn’t really been discussed in
our class as of yet: the role of young adult caregivers.
If you’re a fellow classmate of mine,
you’ll know that I’ve recently missed a number of classes in the last few
weeks. First off, my apologies – I’ve so enjoyed the discussions we’ve shared,
and I’d hate for anyone to think that my absences signal an overall apathy to this
course. The reason I’ve been missing class is that I’ve had to care for my
chronically ill mother back home.
My mom suffers from RSD – Reflex
Sympathetic Dystrophy. Basically, her nervous system is shutting down one limb
at time, leaving trails of unmatched pain wherever it effects until the disease
immobilizes the entire body (AMA has ranked RSD as the world’s most painful
disease). Please know I’m not looking for sympathy…that’s actually one of the
reasons it makes this situation difficult to talk about. On one hand I don’t
want extra help or guidance or understanding or support; on the other hand,
caring for my mom takes a huge toll on my personal and professional life –
making it difficult to find a healthy work-life balance.
In a blog for Huff Post, Alice Whitney
shares a touching personal account of how she supported her boyfriend who was
diagnosed with cancer: “When I was at school I felt so guilty for not being
with him -- a guilt I still felt after his treatment.” From personal
experience, I can completely affirm Alice’s emotions – when a loved one is sick
or harmed beyond your control, yet there are things you can do to bring them
comfort, you feel intolerable guilt when you aren’t there...especially when
they expect and/or want you to be there more than anything else.
The National Library of Medicine recently
conducted a study on Young Caregivers, declaring it an “understudied population.”
Their results determined that between approximately 12-18% of caregivers are
young adults…between 3.9 million and 4.5 million people in the US alone.
As we discuss and consider the
implications of individuals returning to their families and forgoing their
careers…I ask that we consider this reality as well. It’s been the most defining,
challenging experience of my collegiate career – one that has left me
undoubtedly stronger – but one that will continue to determine my path for
years beyond graduation.
First of all, I admire your priorities and willingness to tend to your family, it is a very selfless thing to do. Second, I am very glad you brought up this point, because I was thinking about the young caring for the old a lot during classroom discussions but it has not come up organically in conversation.
ReplyDeleteI recently took a course at U of M where my professor told a story about her mother. She has been caring for her for a while and was frustrated how marriage was one of the only ways of sharing resources, getting tax breaks. etc. She was confused as to why she could not share in those things with her mom. Your post reminded me of that- sometimes, the youth cares for the older. I feel that it is expected for a middle aged son to care for his aged mother, but it is neglected that care can begin sooner. Families come in countless varieties, and it is important to consider the implication of policies that favor one type of family over another. I think it would be interesting to see if there are any other countries that provide benefits for people of all ages providing care for anyone else.
Josh,
ReplyDeleteI'm moved by your openness and honesty in this post. I'm inspired by your choice to care for your mother, and empowered by your courage to tend her well-being, despite the toll it certainly takes on your social and professional life.
I've also considered this caveat, the multigenerational household which is comprised of a young adult generation (rather than middle-aged) that cares for their parents. Often, I believe that society overlooks the fact that young adults, like you and I, do not have the financial means to support our parents at this stage in our lives. Instead, we have our time, our patience, and our unending love for those who nurtured us to this point.
I, as well, think that governmental benefits should extend upwards, so that young adults who are fresh (or relatively new) to the working world-- those of us who are still getting our footing and making a place for ourselves in the world-- have the ability, if need be, to tend to our parents, who for countless reasons may need or request our help in their old age, and consequently, at our young age.
I agree, too, with Noelle in wondering whether there are nations that provide coverage for those young caregivers supporting older generations. For some reason, Japan and China-- countries with traditionally multigenerational households-- seem to ring a bell, though I'm uncertain.
Josh, thanks for sharing and being so open about your situation – this is definitely an important aspect to consider in our discussions about millennial life.
ReplyDeleteI think this will become an increasingly large phenomenon, especially as the baby boomers age (although this will likely involve caregivers of all ages, not just youth). When it comes to caregiving, it doesn’t seem like we’re left with many options. Witnessing my family take in my grandpa during his struggle with Parkinson’s disease and having been a volunteer at an assisted living home for almost two years, I have a bit of perspective from two different forms of caregiving. At home caregiving put a huge amount of financial and emotional stress on my family, but I have seen that assisted living home and nursing home care is oftentimes inadequate (workers being understaffed, underqualified, and paid minimum wage).
I think the comments above about providing governmental benefits to at-home caregiving situations are very interesting, but rather than thinking of benefits associated with marriage, my first thought was our prior conversations about stay-at-home parents. It seems like one key place for reform would also be the workplace in creating more options for employees who are both aspiring professionals and committed caregivers.
First off, thanks to all of you for your support – it means so much.
ReplyDeleteIt's funny – when I posted this, I hadn't at all considered the potential for financial benefits for stay-at-home caregivers. I was thinking more about the social and professional implications, especially regarding young caregivers pursuing higher education (pulling directly from my own experience). I’d personally like to see colleges reach out to students as caregivers in a more organized, intentional way. There are already so many supportive groups for varying populations of students – First Generation College Students, Collegiate Recovery Program, etc. – I absolutely know that student caregivers would also benefit from mutual support.
Regarding speculative financial benefits, I do wonder if they should be considered similar to marriage benefits – as Noelle detailed – or more like stay-at-home parents. If it’s the latter, how can and should the government step in…even though being a student caregiver is often technically ‘a choice’?
Josh, I appreciate that you shared your personal experience. The phenomenon of young adult caregivers is something that has not even crossed my mind, which reminds me that there are many things that I do not know that I don't know. Your post also reminded me that while it can be easy to oversimplify the topics that we have touched on in discussion, "reality" is never simple or easy.
ReplyDeleteI am intrigued by your suggestion (from your last comment) that colleges should play a part in supporting students who are caregivers. I agree that there are steps that universities could take to further help students in situations like yours, and it seems obvious to me that they should do so. Is there anything that UM does currently? The role of institutions like universities is also interesting, because it shows that there are ways that people can be supported socially outside of the scope of the government.