I find this new trend to be terribly problematic, and for reasons outside of simple economics. As a college graduate now entering the job market (at least for a little while), I can't possibly say that it's been easy. But, I would argue that it wasn't by any means "easy" for any generation. In fact, I find it hard to believe that finding a job should ever be something easy. Finding a job involves just as much work as any paper you ever write in college. That means, finding a job is about pre-planning and planning, execution [i.e. applying], and feedback/follow-up. Consider every "no" an opportunity to re-draft and submit a new polished paper. We often don't get this chance in college, so why not take advantage of it while we can in the real world?
I know that this sounds crazy, but with a downturned economy and an unfriendly job market facing recent grads, somebody has to put an optimistic spin on things! But the goal of this post isn't to teach you how to find a job--no, the goal of this post is to convince you why NOT to go back to mom and dad right away. Mom and Dad should be the last resort, or at least that's my personal opinion-- though the Huffington Post's Jennifer Close argues otherwise.
I've been conditioned since middle school to believe that after 18, my parents would push me into the world to be on my own. Of course, they have and always will be willing to help me out, but in terms of paying rent or paying for college, I've always been the one who bears the responsibility...and I'm glad that they instilled this notion in me at a young age. I know my parents would like to pay for my college, and I know that they'd like to pay my rent, but when it's financially infeasible, a line has to be drawn. That being said, I've been working since 16 and haven't stopped since (minus my study abroad, as I legally wasn't allowed to). I think that my parents, like many others, have supported me in the best ways possible, and have been more confident in my ability to succeed as an independent than many parents can say for their recent grads.
The problem with people running back home after college, I find, is that it reinforces the notion that whenever you find yourself in trouble, mom and dad will always be there to pick up the pieces. However, I do not dismiss the fact that many students need a grace period between college and "real life," as many have called it in class, to find a stable job and look for new accommodation. And I think that that's okay. However, by allowing children to move back into the home, the financial burdens that students are just beginning to understand and experience fall upon their parents. According to an article in the Wall Street Journal, "A 2011 study by the National Endowment for Financial Education found that 26% of parents with adult-age kids living at home have taken on debt in the process, either to help their child with a loan or for their own spending needs." This isn't exactly fair, in my opinion, as 18 years of raising children, and possibly even paying for some (or all) tuition fees has taken a financial toll on mommy and daddy.
The problem ultimately, I argue, is not the student, but rather mom and dad. Mom & Dad are willing and happy (most of the time) to welcome their child back home to allow him/her the necessary time to get themselves together. But, often mom & dad do not realize the amount of debt that they incur in the process, and even more often, children overstay their welcome. The film "Failure to Launch" is a perfect example of this phenomenon.
So how do we curb this overstayed welcome + mom & dad naivete/sympathy problem?
I propose that parents put their authoritative foot down and set some deadlines and rules, just like said student experienced not so long ago in college. These deadlines include monthly payments/contributions-- as long as said student can find an interim job, said student should contribute to the household finances in the form of rent/groceries/etc. This lessens the burden on mom & dad financially, as well as creates an environment for children to learn that financial responsibility doesn't simply disappear at home. In terms of deadlines, mom & dad need to discuss a time frame for their child's stay-- not because they want their child out ASAP, but because setting deadlines often motivates students to get things done in a timely fashion. Often, too, mom and dad are a great resource for networking, resumé tips, and job-seeking tips.
Mommy & Daddy likely can't support you forever, and they shouldn't encourage you to "stay as long as you'd like." If anything, Mom & Dad should teach you that independence cannot be provided for anyone, but rather it must be sought out. It may not be 1950, and jobs may not be as plentiful, but that doesn't mean that we, as the Millennials, have any reason to be running home so quickly when the job market is scary/unfriendly. We are responsible for our futures, not our parents, and it's time that we start acting like it.
I agree that it is very important for recent grads to establish independence as early as possible, especially considering their parents will not always be around for them to 'fall back on'. I would argue, however, that most grads (or at least most grads I know) are not using their parents' home as a fallback, but rather as an important stepping stone. Most college students live as much on their parents' dime in college as they would if they lived at home, but there is much less of a stigma attached to it.
ReplyDeleteI think this stigma is increasingly inappropriate given the changing times, high cost of living, and competitive jockeying for the middle class lifestyle that has become the norm. Many grads I know moved back home after graduation while they found a worth-while entry job and got their feet under them. All of them have since moved out or have plans to move out. Still, what's so wrong with living with the previous generation? I realize that if you are inconveniencing your parents who have given up so much for you, the situation is unhealthy. But my mom has mentioned in a tentative, hopeful voice the possibility that I could raise my kids in the same house I grew up in, or, if I moved elsewhere, she and my dad would like to follow me and live at least in the same town. I have not made any decisions yet, but I have a close family and the benefits of sharing income, responsibilities, and each others' company might outweigh the negative stigma in my mind. It already has in theirs.
Culture has made it a stigma (and perhaps for good reason--who wants to be newly married with their parents in the same home?), but we may have to rethink the stigma in the face of economic realities. Having multiple generations in a household and sharing and helping one another might be the more economically wise decision.
I disagree with your conclusion that returning home is equivalent to Mom and Dad "picking up the pieces". This implies that by coming home we've somehow made a mess and asked to our parents to fix it. Instead, most people return home for a little bit of support.
ReplyDeletePeople during their life fall on hard times, and often they do so directly out of college. With the decreasing value of a Bachelor's degree as we have discussed, this is the new "decision point" in a person's professional life. Graduate school or the workforce? What specialization do I look for in grad school? What entry level job puts me on the right track? What is family for if not to support you in hard times? And I get that you were forced out of home by circumstance. But I don't think that means that no one should ever return home, lest they be viewed a failure.
The reality is that the job market is tougher now than it has been for a long time. Families can provide a valuable support system, and not just to the lazy among us. Your laying out "rules" for those who return home simply treats these recent college grads as irresponsible children, which is not something they deserve for being normal people caught between life stages.